


Searching for Deadpool

by MorenoX25



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Parody, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 04:46:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8149561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorenoX25/pseuds/MorenoX25
Summary: After neglecting Deadpool for a few months, Death finds out her dear Wade is nowhere to be found. So now Death has to do whatever is necessary to find the lost Merc with a Mouth. Death centric.M-rated for language. Just to be safe.





	1. The Search Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to apologize in advance for some of the OOCness of some of the characters, but as you see in the tags, this story is a comedy. (borderline crack) Also I wanted to give Death a different kind of personality.

Deep in the vastness of space, stood a floating castle invisible to the eyes of lesser men. Inside this ominous castle was one of the most powerful beings in the entire universe. Death.

Death was the physical manifestation of the concept it represented. Death oversaw the demise and the passing of all and every single life form. From the most powerful and enormous creatures the universe could produce to the most basic microorganisms. Every living thing had to die, and no one was immune to it. Of course there were exceptions to every rule: only those it deemed worthy or had its favor received immunity to dying.

One would think that such a powerful individual with that kind of responsibility would've been far too busy all the time, but in fact, Death didn't have to do anything beyond existing until the end of time when the last living creature ceased to exist.

And since Death didn't have to do anything; it spent most of its time observing the events and lives of those it found interesting. But even that turned boring after a while, so Death decided to spent the last few years watching the 'cultural imports' from planet earth.

Gotta hand it to the human race, they make good television.

Death was currently enjoying a particularly funny animated series from the country known as Japan. Most of the things that came from that country were really weird and sometimes uncomfortable (for some humans) and that make Death love it even more.

"Ha, poor, poor Harima, He can never catch a breath!" Came a very different voice one would've expected for the representation of death to have. It wasn't as dark and ominous as one would think and didn't bring despair and madness to those who heard her.

Yes, Her. Although Death was just a metaphorical concept given form; it didn't have a set or default body or form, so throughout the years Death decided to take the form of a female. And she preferred it that way.

As another episode of her current 'favorite show' came to an end, Death decided to turn around and look out to the lives (and deaths) of all the living beings she found so interesting.

"Mmm, let's see…" The Gardians of the Galaxy were patrolling space in their pointless attempt to protect and bring peace to the galaxy. A foolish crusade indeed, but she enjoyed when that darn cute raccoon blew off the head of another space criminal.

The avengers "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" were having a downtime after the last world changing/shattering event that seemed to happen every few months. Nothing of particular interest.

"Maybe I should bring back an old foe or bring back another fallen hero" Death would occasionally bring back deceased or killed heroes and villains to spice things up or change team dynamics or to restore the status quo after some particular death didn't bring the entertainment value to her favorite "reality show".

"I wish I could mess around with Spiderman" She thought. But right now Peter Parker wasn't Peter but that Dr. Octopus guy. She didn't know how to feel about the whole development, but she decided to give this 'Superior Spiderman' a few views before trying to correct the status quo.

Death then moved away from Earth and looked at the entire universe at large for some entertainment. There were the classics, like heroes forming a rebellion and bringing down a power hungry dictator; The drama of an interplanetary war with no defined 'good guys and bad guys' which threaten to destroy their whole solar system; or a star going supernova destroying the whole planet, eliminating an entire race except for that one spaceship containing a baby which will travel to another planet where he would be Super powerful: geez, how many times had she seen that last one? A lot in her opinion.

The second to last person Death observed was her long time suitor Thanos the titan(or Thanos-Baka as she just recently began to call him. Thanks Japan!). She always had a soft spot for the titan but a relationship him could never be.

Why? Because the guy always tried too hard to gain her attention and affection, that's why. He was like a little kid trying to constantly impress his hot teacher. And when she didn't pay him any attention or reward him for a 'job well-done' he would throw a tantrum and brood on his throne on that asteroid of his. The only thing missing was him listening to Linking Park's 'Crawling' all day.

The guy was so into her that she knew Thanos would spend the rest of his immortal life chasing after her (just get over it, dammit!). Sometimes, Death wished she could take away his immortality so he would stop bothering her. Not that it was impossible or even that difficult for her, she could take it away any time.

The only things holding her back was that despite the annoyance he was, Thanos' affection flattered her and she couldn't imagine not having it anymore. Yes, it was selfish of her leading him on like that, sue her. The second was that she gave him his immortality as a gift, he earned it and she couldn't take away a gift she gave willingly. She has a reputation to maintain, you know.

Although there was one time she almost did take away his immortality. It was when Thanos pulled that stupid stunt a few years back, preventing her from been with the love of her life by cursing him with immortality on his own. Jeez, Possessive much, Right?

Speaking of which, how was her cutie-pie doing lately? She had been too busy watching television and intergalactic genocide to pay attention to his beloved Wade. It had been 3 months since she 'watch him from afar" which is totally not stalking, okay!

Death felt awful. The last time she spent this long without 'watching' him, was when she saw him trying his charms on another woman. She was so angry (totally not jealous, BTW) that she consciously ignored him for two months straight. Heck she even paid attention to Thanos for awhile just to get even (again not jealous).

But during that time, while she was blocking out Thanos' inane poetry, (really?! She couldn't believe that guy!) she had time think it through. It wasn't his beloved's fault! He was just lonely and longed for affection and companionship, just like a puppy. And insane, crazed, loudmouth puppy, but her puppy, dammit! Also her visits every time he died, where getting shorter and more far in between.

Damn that healing factor of his and damn Thanos-Baka for his stupid curse. It broke her metaphoric heart.

"One day we will be together, my love! But for now I shall watch you from afar!" Death then tried searching for him using her powers but it turned out that she couldn't find him.

"What the…? Where is he?!"

Where was he? Where the heck was her beloved Wade? Death tried and searched all over Earth but she couldn't find him.

"Wait! Maybe he's in space!" Yes that was probably it! Deadpool usually had the most strange and wacky adventures. So it wasn't farfetched that he was sent there for a mission, or he teleported on accident, it had happened before. Death tried searching through the entire universe but still she couldn't find him at all.

"What about dimensional travel? He could be in other dimension!" Death reasoned so she turned to search there too. The good thing about being and metaphoric concept is that she existed in every part of the multiverse. They were all connected, so she could peer into her other selves. But just like before the search was fruitless.

Looking throughout the entire multiverse could've taken her hours, days or years but for her time was meaningless. Wait! Time? That's it! Maybe her 'Love Platypus' was trapped in the past or helping that Cable-guy in the future! It was another thing that tended to happen to her 'Sugar-Pie'.

Death tried looking into the future first but everything was foggy, she couldn't see anything! Then she tried the past but it was the same! She tried to pint-point the exact moment of Wade's disappearance but the farthest she got was when he received a called for a Merc job, then everything turned hazy.

"Something is blocking my powers" Or maybe it wasn't something but someone. Very few had the power or the influence to affect her powers directly. So the list was very short, but who and for what motive?

Both the Living Tribunal and 'The-one-above-all" were out since those guys never pay attention to anything unless you cause the demise of a few universes.

Her brother Eternity? No, he was far too boring and busy trying to prevent the demise of all life in existence. The idiot.

Big Bro Galactus? Pfft. Eff No. Her Onii-san just thought with his stomach, the big oaf!

The Dread Dormammu? He-who-sleeps-but-shall-awake Shuma Gorath? Eehm…probably. Both of those guys only did stuff when it was convenient for them for furthering their plans or when someone pissed them off. And her dear "Wade-chan" had a track record a mile long for pissing people off.

*Sigh* "Staying here doing nothing, will not solve anything! I think this calls for old-school detective work… or maybe just blackmail and intimidation. Yes blackmail and intimidation works better." She giggled to herself. Look at her acting just like Wade.

* * *

 

On the deepest end of the fiery pits of despair and torment known as Hell, sat the lord of Darkness Mephisto. Doing…whatever the demon lord did when he was not torturing souls or raging his war against god. Maybe jerk-off or something.

"Well, this sure is interesting! To what owe you the pleasure of your visit, Death." Mephisto greeted her with that wicked tongue of his. Kind of cliché if you asked her.

"Cut the crap, Mephisto! This isn't a social visit!" answered Death with a very Deadpool-y reply . "I'm looking for a certain someone, and I want to know if he is here!" continued with a no-nonsense tone.

"And if this person is here, what then?" Mephisto asked back, not showing his annoyance for the disrespect Death showed. "You know I don't part away from souls, unless there is something of great value to make a trade!" There was his serpentine tone again. Always looking for gain something and sink his teeth on an easy prey.

"Do not think for a second you can bargain with me, Mephisto! You don't have what it takes to do so!" she insulted him and demeaned his entire 'deal-with-the-devil act'. "If the person I'm looking for is here, I'll just take him and go. As easy like that"

"And what makes you think I'll allow that" Mephisto forgot all pretense and showed his true anger. " You are on my realm! Here I am invincible; you don't have any power in here!" and just as his prideful words left out his mouth so did his energy and power. "What..? What is happening to me? What did you do to me?!"

"What? I'm just reclaiming what is rightful mine." said Death with a matter-of-fact tone. "You pride yourself for all these souls you claim as your own to further increase your power, but the truth is that none of these souls are yours! There are all mine! You were just holding them on for me!" Death ended in a mean chuckle looking at the "All-mighty" Mephisto crawling angrily at her.

"NO! You lie!"

"Nope! It's all true and now that all _your souls are belong to me,_ you are as weak as any other soul."

"NO, NO!"

"Yes, yes! I get it, you can't believe it and you're angry but I don't have time for you to process all of this since you're stupid and it would take hours, so listen up! Right now I own you, you're my Bitch!"

"What?" Mephisto asked weakly. Been at the mercy of someone else was a very foreign experience for him.

"Now tell me! Where is Wade Wilson?"

* * *

 

After Death's little visit to hell proved fruitless, she decided to visit other realms were souls were held.

"I do not hold the soul of the man you are looking for" said a feminine voice coming from down her feet. Death just sent a mean glare to the woman at her feet. "I do not hold the soul of the man you are looking for…Mistress!" The woman added.

"Now was that really so hard, Hela?" Death smirked at the fallen asgardian "goddess of death". What a joke. Currently the true ruler of all the dead and spirits was sitting at the throne that previously belonged to Hela.

"Now, now! Remember I don't like been lied to!" said with a disapproving frown like a mother looking down on a misbehaving child.

"Mistress!" answered Hela, grinding her teeth. She couldn't believe she was bowing like a lowly commoner. "I do not lie, I do not have the soul of Wade Wilson" Death sighed in disappointment. He wasn't here; he wasn't in hell, just where in the world was he?

"Ok! I'll leave now. I shall return some of your power so you can keep running this place . But remember, you work for me! And I'm your Pimp!" Yes, that was something Wadey would say. Oh! How much she missed him. "And the next time I come to visit I expect a better reception"

"Yes mistress!"

* * *

 

"You know! I really like this Dark Dimension of yours. I should visit more often. Well if it isn't an inconvenience to you Katou-Chan*" Death said this while sipping the most delicious tea the Dark Dimension could offer. And her host ´Katou-chan' was non-other than the Dread Dormammu himself who was serving tea to his 'guest'. His eye twitch in annoyace at the nickname.

"Ha! Katou-chan! I shall remember that one!" said another feminine figure enjoying the tea Dormammu served. It was his twin sister Umar.

"Hey Umar? Is it true that thing about The Hulk? Was he really 'The Strongest There Is' down 'there' too?" asked Death with a knowing smirk enjoying the opportunity to gossip.

"Well, I have to say his 'thing' really is something to behold…"

"I do not wish for this conversation to continue!" said Darmammu with clearly uncomfortable with the topic of discussion.

"No need to be shy, Katou-chan! Unless you are feeling self-conscious!" teased Death once again enjoying the reaction from her host. Dormammu didn't answer but the flame of his head grew higher showing his anger.

Why was HE lowering himself to serve tea to these women? He was the Dread Dormammu! Lord of the Dark Dimension! The Eater of Souls! The Lord of Chaos! His power was equal to the Phoenix Force, Odin, and the Elder Gods combined. He could take on Galactus single handedly! Heck, he could beat The Living Tribunal too! (Yeah, he wished.)

"I know what you are thinking!" said Death out of the blue looking at him with a bored look. " _Why am I doing this? I'm Dormammu, no one is more powerful than me! I can beat 'The-one-above-all' if I wanted!_ " Death said imitating his voice in a perfect manner.

Dormammu looked at her with a stare that could shot daggers.

"I admit that you are very powerful! You even defeated my brother Eternity!" continued with a more serious tone. She wasn't mocking him she was just stating the facts.

"But when it comes right down to it, I am more powerful than anyone else; I mean really, you can't kill me I am Death! And if by some contrived manner you were to kill me, what would happen next? If I don't exist there is no death in the universe and without the natural balance of life and death the world would implode in itself."

Dormammu had to admit that he didn't really put that much thought into it. She was really untouchable. But then Umar asked in a curious manner. "Hey! Didn't Loki capture you that one time?"

"I was just playing along! it is rare, almost unheard of when someone tries to attack me, let alone capture me. So decided to humor him because there was nothing more fun to do at the time." Death answered sighing and rolling her eyes in annoyance. Really, she let herself get captured once and everyone thinks she's a pushover.

"Now about the reason for your visit. It must be important because you never make social visits." Umar commented wanting to get to the point. Although she enjoyed the visit there were matters to bede attend in the Dark Dimension.

"I'm looking for a certain someone. He's name is Wade Wilson also known as Deadpool." Umar raised an eyebrow in curiosity. She had never heard of such person and if Death was looking for him, he must be a big deal.

"No, we do not have anyone named Wade Wilson here at the Dark Dimension, and even if he came I'm sure he's already dead." Dormammu answered expecting Death to go away any second now. Death just gave him a look that said 'You are really stupid, aren't you?'

"If he was dead I wouldn't be looking for him, would I? Come on Katou-chan I thought you were smarter than that!"

Dormammu couldn't take it anymore and just exploded. "Stop calling me that! We don't have this person so get out of my domains!"

"How rude! That's not how we treat guests!" scolded the Twin sister. "Now Death! How does this Wade Wilson look like?"

"His body is covered in his scars so it's not that hard to tell him apart, but he mostly wear a red and black costume, lots of guns, katanas, pouches, and a red mask with two big black dots the surrounding the eyes.

"No, it doesn't sound like anyone we have here, what about you brother? Have you seen anyone like that?"

"As a matter of fact yes." Dormmamu said surprising both women.

"Where?!" Death asked a little too excited, but either Dormammu didn't notice or didn't care to take the advantage and bargain for the information. In reality The lord of the Dark Dimension just wanted the annoying cosmic entity out of his dimension as soon as possible.

"I saw a person like you described became Galactus' new herald! And before you ask, No I was not stalking him I was just assessing his strength for our confrontation in the future when I take over the universe and later all reality."

"Thank you all for the tea and your hospitality." she said her goodbyes to both Umar and Dormammu. Despite, Dormmamu's pissy attitude, she really did have fun in the Dark Dimension. Maybe she should visit more often and drink more of that delicious tea.

"Come back and visit any time." said a cordial Umar.

"Better yet, never come back!" Ahh Dormammu, never change.

After she left she left the Dark Dimension, she returned home through a portal. Looking into deep space she located the ship where his Older Brother Galactus was.

"I think it's time to visit my Onii-san!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: This was supposed to be two chapters but I condensed it into one. Also I wrote this when I was waiting in line for a doctor's check-up. Around 4 hours.
> 
> *Katou means Fire Head in japanese.


	2. Family Meeting

Galactus.

Devourer of Worlds, Ravager of Planets, The Great Destroyer, The Third Force of The Universe. He had many names but for Death he would always be Big Bro Galactus.

For those who don't know him, Galactus is the sole survival from the Universe previous from the current one. Before he was the Devourer of Worlds, Galactus was a humanoid named Galan from the planet Taa. Just before the end of the universe, Galan fused with the amassed positive emotions of all living beings in the cosmos known as the Sentience of the Universe. And as the new universe was born so did Galactus. After that both Destiny and Death were born, making Galactus their 'Big Brother'.

Galactus possesses the immeasurable and almost limitless Power Cosmic and is one of the absolute strongest and most powerful beings in the entire Universe alongside other cosmic entities like Destiny and Death. He was the closest thing to 'GOD' (The Living Tribunal and The-One-Above-All didn't count since they lived outside the multiverse.)

But even Galactus has weaknesses; his Cosmic Hunger, and that stupid-ass Ultimate Nullifier which is too contrived and OP that it isn't even funny.

Currently Galactus was inside his Worldship Taa II, a ship so massive it's the size of an entire solar system. (Talk about big cars.) It made Death think he was overcompensating for something. Normally Galactus would be resting and waiting for his current herald to come back with news of a planet he could devour, but right now he was dealing with a family situation.

"How did this happen? What should I do? I'm not ready yet!" came the distressed cries of his only daughter Galacta. Yes, you heard that right, Galacta daughter of Galactus. Galacta or Gali, as she is known in planet earth where she posses as a normal teenage girl, was having a mini-breakdown from the news she just received from her father.

"Daughter of mine, you shall not worry. I'm sure you are well prepared for this event. But you will have to eat more if you wish to conserve your energy and survive this ordeal." Galactus said with that booming voice of his. Gali just looked up to her father as he was crazy.

"Eat?! I don't want to eat planets like you do! I don't want to be like you! I didn't want any of this! I just want to be a normal teenage girl from earth!" Galactus didn't react to his daughter outburst. He knew that this whole situation was messing with her sense of reason, making his only daughter more emotional than she already was.

Galactus sighed mentally. He couldn't understand his daughter's obsession with the planet Earth and its culture. Why couldn't she be more like him and enjoy the simplest little things? Like traveling through the entire universe, seeing new places and eat them?

Then out of the blue, a portal appeared inside his ship and the room where he and his daughter were talking. Galactus watched the portal with curiosity. He could tell the one responsible for the portal was powerful indeed. Not as powerful as him, I mean don't be ridiculous, but powerful nonetheless.

After a few seconds of silence, a figure he hadn't seen in a long time came from the portal. It was his self-proclaimed little sibling, Death. Currently Death was donning a female figure with very light skin color, and black robes that showed a voluptuous figure.

"Galactus! Tell me where is he or so-help me!" Death knew her small threat was complete bullshit. Galactus could obliterate her in less than a nanosecond, but both him and her alongside Eternity, were cosmic entities that keep the universe on balance so they couldn't destroy each other. But it didn't mean they couldn't inflict bloody beatings to one and other.

"Good to see you too!" answered Galactus in what you could almost call a sarcastic tone, but that was impossible, Galactus didn't have a sense of humor, did he? "To what owe you this visit?"

"As if you don't know! Where is he? Where is Wade Wilson?" demanded Death once again with an annoyed face. "Katou-chan told me he was your herald!" Galactus blinked for a few seconds, using his perfect memory to recall whatever his "little sister" was talking about.

"Wade… Wilson?" That named seemed familiar but he couldn't exactly recall who that person was; which is strange since his memory is perfect. Then a small flash of annoyance and anger appeared across his face. "That one! He was the most strident and annoying creature I ever met! He could never shut the hell up! My worst herald by far!" Now he remembered why he didn't remember. He didn't want to. He used his power to suppress the memory of their "Team-up" as that fool called it.

Meanwhile Gali had her mouth agape in shock! He had seen her father angered before, but never like this! Usually her father would prevent any emotion from showing in his face, just raising or lowering his tone of voice to indicate his displeasure for the situation. But to openly curse like that! Unheard of!

"And what did you do to him?" asked Death trying to show no emotions at all. If Galactus had such a strong reaction to her beloved Wade, it wasn't hard to believe that he would obliterate him destroying him not only physically but metaphysically as well. And no Thanos' curse would ever bring him back.

"I just sent him back to Earth. He didn't deserve the privilege of dying by my hand!" Really, hiring him as his herald was one of the worst mistakes Galactus had ever done. But now that he wasn't cursing that annoyance's very existence, he wondered something. What did Death want with such individual? But his mental wondering wasinterrupted by the intervention of his Daughter.

"Excuse me, but who is this woman, father?" asked a very curious Gali. She had never seen someone talk so casually with her father. I mean, who could? He was THE Galactus after all. Regaining his bearings, Galactus decided to do the introductions.

"Gali, this person right here is Death, your…um…'aunt'." He said slightly hesitant. He never understood Death insistence of calling him brother, but she had done so for the past millions of years, so why bother fighting it now? "Death this is Galacta, my daughter." After he was done, the temperature of the room went down, which was odd since the Taa II never had problems with the thermostat before.

"She's my what!?" / "She's your what!?"

Both girls take a look at each other in mild surprise. Gali because she didn't know she had relatives other than her father. And Death couldn't believe that Galactus could conceive children. 'Must have been one-hell of a woman to be able to do THAT with Galactus, she thought.

After a few seconds of silence, both girls floated to one and other and began with the small talk. Asking each other question after question trying to get to know each other better. Since Gali was native of earth, she and Death found common ground talking about earth culture, especially TV Shows. Meanwhile Galactus just sat there wishing he could be any other place but there. He could, he had the power of teleportation but that would only increase his hunger and he didn't want to leave these two alone on his ship.

After what seemed like hours of questions and anecdotes Galactus decided to put an end to their chatter.

"Death, why are you looking this Wade Wilson? What interest do you have with him?" Death and Gali stopped their conversation and turned to look at the massive world eater. Both girls were slightly mad for his interruption but Death let it slide and refocused on her mission at hand.

"I'm looking for him because he disappeared and I can't locate him even with my Power Cosmic, which is alarming since very few have the power to block away my 'vision'. Also because he is my boyfriend!" Galactus raised a metaphoric eyebrow in confusion. Death was establishing a relationship with a human? And not a simple one but the most annoying human to ever exist? What a weird taste.

"I think it's sweet you care for him so much that you travel all the way here to find him." Gali said with stars in her eyes. She wished she could have what her aunt Death had. Since she too was a cosmic entity, the prospects of finding a guy that could be with her were astronomically low. Years and years of movies and television had taught her that life wasn't complete without love, and being as close as a teenage human girl she could be, she wanted a boyfriend. Then she remembered why she was at her father's ship in the first place.

"What is wrong my dear?" ask Death after sensing a tidal wave of emotions emanating from Gali. The young cosmic entity looked at her aunt with sudden tears on her face. The problem she was facing was a heavy burden and a scary responsibility but maybe her aunt could give her another perspective, different from her father's.

"Auntie…I'm pregnant!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than the first one but then again the first one was supposed to be the two chapters, the prologue and chapter 1. Also it was the perfect place to end this chapter.
> 
> For those who are wondering, Yes Galacta is a real character not an OC. But I did make her act way OOC. Then again, comedy and all that.
> 
> I just wish Marvel used her more.


	3. Team-Up

"Auntie…I'm pregnant!"

It was such a sudden and shocking revelation. Death couldn't quite comprehend that her niece just announced so she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"How much did you charge the guy?"

"What?"

"I mean congratulations! I'm sure the father is going to be so excited when he hears the news!" Damn it! She didn't mean to say the first one. Curse Deadpool for making her miss him so much that she began talking like him.

"Mmm..auntie…there is no father. He was conceived by the will of the Power Cosmic." If Death had been drinking something, it would've ended all in Gali's face. What kind of Star Wars: Episode I bullshit was that?

"Well, if that is what worries you, don't be. Husbands are overrated. The spend all day at work and when they come home they'd spent more time watching Tivo'd shows than pay attention to you, and after they move out to live with their sexy-ass secretaries because you been gaining some pounds for having the baby, they don't even have the decency of paying Alimony or child support, the bastards!"

After Death mini rant about husbands, which had nothing to do with what was worrying Gali. The Daughter of Galactus began explaining what her main concern was.

"The responsibility is too large! What if I screw up? What if the baby turns up bad because of me? I don't want to be responsible of giving birth to the universe worst enemy ever!" By the end Gali was in tears, overemotional not only for the responsibility but also because of the heavy burden and changes her body must be experiencing for housing a cosmic entity baby on her womb.

"Mmm…I see!" It was clearer for Death what was worrying her dearest niece. "Don't worry too much. Your little Anakin will not become Vader!" said Death with a very relaxed tone.

"How do you know that?" The future mother asked clearly shaken, ignoring that Star Wars reference. "I'm too young to be a mother! And I don't want to think about all the planets and millions of people who will die because of the baby's cosmic hunger! My Dad is bad enough!"

If one could pay an incredible attention to Galactus' face one could almost see the twitch of annoyance at his Daughter's jab. It wasn't his fault he could only devour plants that sustained life in them. Besides he IS a force of balance in the universe, without him the entire universe would implode in itself! of course it would take millennia but the point still stands. Also all the infinite number of beings he consumed and will consume will forever live on inside of him becoming one with the Power Cosmic.

"What about you my dear? How many planets did you consumed after you were born?" Gali stepped back as if her aunts' words were a physical hit. She hadn't really paid much thought to that before.

"My father feed me with his own Power Cosmic! But after I was old enough I been abstaining myself from eating planets, I try to suppress my hunger by willpower alone. There is no guarantee the baby would do the same!" Heck she been trying to find a way to eliminate her hunger for good, and if it came to loss all her powers as result, well so be it. She only wanted to be an Earth girl with a normal life and normal problems. Not become a mother all of a sudden and worry that her little bundle would end up destroying all life as they all know it.

"As much as I would like to have another agent of Death that causes havoc and the destruction of entire races, I'm afraid it will not come to be!" announced Death with a little bit of disappointment in her voice. Every time Galactus consumed entire planets with its inhabitants not only was he satisfying his hunger, he provided her with billions of souls for her to take while Eternity have an excuse to bring life to lifeless planets. And so the cycle and balance of the universe was kept.

"What do you mean?" Gali was less shaken but still wasn't completely reassured. How could her aunt be so sure her baby wasn't going to end up as her father?

"I mean, look at you! You are the daughter of Galactus! The most powerful being in the universe with a hunger that never ends! But you my dear are different. Sure, you are really powerful and could give the rest of us Cosmic Entities a run for our money but you aren't as powerful as Galactus and it reflects in your own hunger! You can suppress your own hunger by willpower alone! and you can consume other forms of energy too, something your father could never do because his hunger is far greater than yours"

Gali blinked a few times in perplexity. She had never thought about that. She believed her own hunger was equal to his father's own and that Dad just had no self control. She never connected the ideas that their own power levels dictated the level of their hunger.

"And your baby is a direct descendant of you, not Galactus! Meaning its hunger will be lesser than your own, so he will have more control over it and suppress it better than you could ever hope for! Also you have to take in consideration the will of the Power Cosmic itself. The universe needs Galactus to keep the balance by consuming planets, and he does his job well enough. It makes no sense that the universe creates more planet eating entities because it will only throw off the balance so your child doesn't have to bear such responsibility!"

Death ended her speech by crossing her arms and nodding to herself. Take that! Not even Phoenix Wright could come up with such tight logic. But before confetti celebration could come down from the sky, Gali had to intervene was more.

"But what about me? I can believe my child been able to suppress his hunger and the will of the universe not permitting to throw off the balance, but what about me? Every day the hunger is getting worse and worse! Is the universe saying to become a world eater like my dad?" Death rolled her eyes in frustration. Why did her niece have such self-doubt? If she continued acting like this she would end up like that whiny little bitch with daddy issues Shinji Ikari.

"Well…you can consume other forms of energy besides 'planet eating'. You could consume the energy of stars going supernova. The resulting release of energy should be quite the bite and if one isn't enough, why not teleport to the next one and the next one until you are satisfied? It's not like there isn't enough stars exploding, it happens every few minutes. And with the universe been infinite, you will never run out of food!"

"That's… that's an excellent idea! Thank you, Auntie!" shouted up Gali with joy, as if all her problems were resolved and proceeded to give a planet crushing hug to her. Death just rolled her eyes again. Why did she have to think up this thing? It should have been obvious!

"Auntie, if you ever need anything just say it!" Gali offered to her new favorite family member. Well, ok. Dad was still number one but her new cool aunt was so high up she could topple him off one day.

"Now that you mention it…I need help with something!"

"Whatever it is you can count me in!"

"Now wait a second!" said Galactus who had been quiet the whole time. He decided to let Death give her own opinion and advice to his daughter, but right now intervention was necessary. "Offering things like that is very risky! Especially if it involves _Death_!" He emphasized Death to remind Gali who she was dealing with.

"Don't be such a killjoy, _Onii-san!_ " Death complained with the highest pitched and cutesy voice she could, and being Death with an assortment of powers and abilities, you can bet it was the highest pitched and cutesy voice Galactus will ever heard. Besides her, Gali was giggling at the look of confusion that her father was giving her auntie.

"I just need help finding my dear Wade! Since he isn't in Hell or the Dark Dimension and I'm pretty sure he isn't in the Chaos Dimension because Shuma-Shuma-chan would already kick him out of there if that was the case. The only other place I need to search is Earth. So I decided that instead of stealth and discretion, I'll arrive and make a big entrance, just like Deadpool! I was going to ask you to help but since Gali here offered I'll let her help instead. I promise nothing will happen to her" She couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of all the things she will do. Her Crazy Muffin would be so proud!

Galactus just held a look of deep thought for a few seconds and shrugged. It wasn't his concern what his "little sister" did ("Imouto! It sounds cuter, Onii-san!"). His main concern was his daughter and her baby. But if Death promised she will keep them safe, there was no room for argument.

"You may go! Now leave I'm waiting for my Herald and my next meal!"

"Come on, Gali! Let's prepare for my big entrance!" The now overexcited Cosmic entity dragged her niece to a newly-formed Portal to her castle. "See you later, onii-san!" She said her goodbyes without looking at him. Gali not wanting to be left out of the joke said her goodbye too.

"Sayonara! Otou-San!" She too liked to watch anime from time to time.

After both of them passed through, the portal closed behind them. But not before dropping something into the Taa II. Using his power of levitation, Galactus brought the object near him to give it a better look. It was a rectangular box made of plastic and inside was a primitive disc storage device. But the most intriguing part was its cover that read…

"Bizarre Jerry 5…?" said Galactus out-loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know what is Bizarre Jerry 5, look it up on youtube. It's Travis Touchdown favorite anime!
> 
> P.S. Shinji is still and forever will be a whiny Bitch!


	4. Arrival

Stark Tower, also known as Avengers Tower for housing and being the base of operations of "Earth's Mightiest Heroes", was the pinnacle of modern architecture; combining state of the art technology and nigh indestructible materials making the tower one of the most impressive buildings in the whole planet.

At the highest point in the tower, where the Avengers Headquarters was located, Tony Stark aka. The Invincible Iron Man was having a down time enjoying the relative peace state of the world. Relative because there was always something to protect and someone to save but right now there was no immediate threat to destroy Earth as they now it. No Kang the Conqueror, no Ultron, no Thanos, no Dr. Doom, heck not even AIM or Hydra to worry about.

But Tony knew that this peace wouldn't last much longer, any moment now something would show up to ruin everything. And as if were magic something did appeared suddenly in his office. It was the Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange. Looking slightly agitated, which was never a good sign.

"What's the situation?" asked Tony without wasting any time. He doubted this was a social call. It would've been stranger if it was. Strange was very powerful and could handle most of the mystical and magical threats to the Earth by himself, so must be something big if he teleported in such a hurry.

"I do not know. I was deep in meditation when I had this foreboding feeling that something incredibly powerful is going to come to Earth. I tried using the Eye of Agamotto and it revealed that there has been a changes in the balance of Cosmic Power."

"Something dangerous?" asked Tony to the Sorcerer. Although Tony was a man of science, he had seen and learned A LOT of things during his Superhero career, one of these things was to never underestimate or ignore the balance of power in other cosmic realms because if you did it tended to come back and bite you in the ass.

"I cannot say. There has been a change in the balance of power but not an imbalance so the mystic realms or reality itself aren't in danger. But I still have this feeling something big is going to happen!"

Tony Stark sighed in contemplation. Dr. Strange prognostication wasn't something to take lightly, He was right all the time, though he didn't know what yet, something was really going to happen. The only thing they could do for now was to call the rest of the Avengers and prepare for the worst.

"We need to inform the rest of the Avengers. We may not know what were are dealing with but there is no reason not to prepare." As soon as his words left his mouth, the earth itself began shaking in a terrible manner.

"An earthquake!" Natural earthquakes were a rare occurrence in the east coast since it isn't as near at plate boundaries as the west coast. But in New York were most of the superhero community resided, it was common that attacks made by Super villains, aliens or other kind of things could cause them.

A few minutes after the earth stopped shaking, Tony received a call from the intercom. "Sir, are you alright?" came the calm and collected voice of Tony's loyal butler Jarvis.

"I'm alright Jarvis!" Tony answered back. "What about you and the rest of the tower? Is there any damage to report?" the second question didn't really necessary mean structural damage to the building, since Stark Tower was made to be near indestructible. Tony was referring more to system malfunctions or human losses.

"No sir, there are no reports of the Tower suffering any structural damage and no injuries to report, sir! But I might suggest you to turn on your television sir!" Rapidly, Tony pushed a small button on his desk that brought down an enormous TV screen that instantly turned on to the local news channel.

"Hello this is April O'Neil, reporting directly from Times Square where a strange rock formation burst out of nowhere causing the earthquake we all felt a few minutes ago, causing panic to the thousands of people who daily pass through 'The Crossroad of the World'".

"Police forces are trying to calm down and evacuate the population to keep civilians safe. We still aren't sure the cause of this event. Speculations rage from just a freak natural event to Super- villain attack like the Mole-man! But as if is now…wait! What's that?!"

The camera turned from the reporter to the previously mention rock formation, which began shaking, creating cracks in the rock that crumbled away to show a more smooth like formation.

After it was done, the strange rock formation was no more, in its place a cold black throne with stairs leading up to it. Then a strange dark energy that could only be described as "Black Light" that instead of shinning, it sucked the natural light into itself; fell upon the throne.

After the unnatural light show ended, a dark hooded figure was revealed. The camera couldn't make out any of its features, but you could still see it was human shaped. The figure lifted up its head revealing only a dark void that sent chills to every living soul that witness it live or on TV.

Tony Stark was one of them; he could feel this one was going to be more than big. To his side, Dr. Strange was fared a bit better since he was accustomed to deal with foul creatures like Dormammu and Shuma-Gorath, but still he felt a drop of sweat coming from his brow.

"It is here!" said a very ominous Dr. Strange.

* * *

 

On the scene, the 'being' lifted one of its arms and brought the camera that the Channel 6 crew had on them to itself, with it the being made an announcement that was transmitted on every channel on TV, every computer monitor and every phone screen.

" **I hereby request the presence of the greatest heroes and minds at this place in the next hour; if you fail to comply, your world is doomed!** "

With its message sent, it sent back the camera to the panicked reporters who were considering getting the hell out of there. There was not enough money in the world for them to stay and risk their lives. But when they tried to leave, they noticed a purple energy dome was preventing them from escaping-

**"Not so fast. I need you to transmit this moment to the entire world to see!"**

* * *

 

It didn't take Tony more than a few minutes to call all of the Avengers, X-Men and any other superhero group available and inform them of the situation. Tony flew to be the first to arrive at the scene of this new menace while Strange teleported from place to place to gather those who weren't near New York. When the Invincible Iron Man arrived, it was no surprise to see agents of SHIELD already in the area taking over the situation from the local police forces.

"Maria, how's the situation?" Tony asked the current head of SHIELD, Maria Hill. One would question why a high ranking officer would be present at the scene of an unknown menace attack instead of monitoring everything from a safe location. But there is no time to explain (or think of a realistic explanation), let's just say Maria is a strong independent woman who likes to be on the front lines.

"SHIELD has already formed a perimeter evacuating all civilians. The….being hasn't established any form of contact or request other than its first message and it's been surrounded by some kind of force field. But we aren't taking any chances. I have various ships pointing right at it ready to fire when the field is brought down." Tony nodded at that. It was amazing how well prepared was SHIELD at any given time and prepared for the worst, but this was beyond anything they could handle.

"Maria, I advise you to retire your troops from here! This isn't your classic super powered beast or failed experiment out of control. This is a menace that even Dr. Strange is concerned about! This is beyond the capabilities of SHIELD." Maria wanted to yell out at him for doubting her and SHIELD abilities to defend the world but at the mention of Dr. Strange left her doubting if they were prepared to handle the situation.

"Doesn't matter! SHIELD is prepared to fight back even if there is a slim chance of winning. That is what we swear to do in order to protect the world!" Maria said confidently, it was their duty and sure as hell they're gonna do it until their dying breath. When Tony saw the determination in Maria's eyes, he couldn't help but smile, not that Maria could see since he was wearing the helmet.

"I'm sure of it. And the Avengers will be here to help all the way!" God, Maria Hill was such a turn on, a shame she always turned off his advances. But her no-nonsense attitude is what makes her hot in the first place.

Suddenly a flash of light appeared behind them, signaling Dr. Strange teleporting with members of the Avengers and the X-men. Not long after them other heroes like Ghost Rider and the Fantastic Four. Even some villains were appearing, like members from AIM and Hydra, possibly low ranking and disposable grunts serving as scouts.

"What is the situation, bub?" The gruff and scruffy Wolverine asked Tony, who was ready to explain to them the whole situation until another flash shined, showing a portal which brought none other than Victor Von Doom, supreme ruler of Latveria.

"Doom!? What are you doing here?" asked Mr. Fantastic to his "arch nemesis". The armored clad king looked at the 'Brightest Man on Earth' with daggers on his eyes and his tone didn't betray that sentiment.

"Still a fool, Richards! I'm not here to help any of you pathetic scum. I'm here because my country is been threatened and no one threatens Doom and lives to tell the tale!"

 **"Ha,ha,ha,ha…It seems that the world greatest heroes and minds are all here…"** came the voice of the being that seems to echo from everywhere. **"Now it is time to begin!"**


	5. The Demand

**"** **Now it is time to begin!"**

Everyone present readied themselves for whatever things were to happen. Wolverine draw out his claws, Tony used his armor scanners to analyze everything to find some kind of advantage, etc. The only one who didn't react at all was Dr. Doom who looked at if this was all a waste of his time and just cross his arms in front of him in annoyance and as a sign of superiority.

The energy field surrounding the whole structure where the throne was located receded; showing once again the 'being' that was threatening the whole world. It was one of the tensest moments for everyone involved. Whatever happened next would surely change the course of history.

The being stood up from the throne, which crumbled and returned to the rock formation that spawn it, and walked a few paces before stopping at the top of the stars leading up to her royal seat. There, it too its hood and pulled it back revealing its face.

It came as a surprise to almost everyone present and everyone watching on TV or the Internet (remember the News crew was still there recording against their will) that this "Invader" wasn't some kind of Alien creature or demonic creature. It was a woman. A really beautiful woman.

She had a very lustrous black hair that down past her shoulders and an unnatural white colored skin. Unnatural as if it wasn't possible for human beings to achieve, she didn't look bad or unhealthy more like pure and angelic. The 'purity' of her skin was a very huge contrast with the dark robes she was wearing.

Almost all the male heroes were entranced with her appearance and the few who didn't at least recognized she was a natural beauty. Heck, a few of the female heroes were checking her out too, and some felt a slight ping of envy. The only one who was completely unimpressed was again the ruler of Latveria.

The woman smirked to herself and waited a few seconds to let the entire group process her appearance, then she spoke again.

"Now that I have your undivided attention, let us discuss what I want from all of you. But first, would anyone here care for some tea?" said the woman with a very nice and playful tone, unlike her cold and ominous from before.

"Stop wasting Doom's time already and speak up you wench!" Doom was mad; just who did this woman think she was to demand the presence of Doom just to waste his time. Doom was going to put an end to his charade.

"You know, when I called out for all the A-Listers, I didn't expect you to show up, and I was right. You just sent a Doombot. I really didn't care but I dislike your pretentious attitude." And with a small gesture of her fingers, Dr. Doom…or the Doombot was grabbed by an invisible force and brought back to the woman. Then she sent an enormous electrical shock through the robot. When she was done, she just dropped it down the floor.

The rest of the heroes present didn't move a muscle; some were frozen on sudden surprise at the speed of what just happened, others were assessing the power this new threat presented. None felt bad for the Doombot since it was only a robot. But suddenly the Doombot got back to its feet.

"Huh where in hell is Doom?" He sounded strange; it wasn't the voice of Dr. Doom that came from its mouth but a gruffer one. It/He turned around and looked at the rest of the heroes who were tensing preparing for an attack from the bot. But it never came, instead the bot just walked towards the Ghost Rider in a very unrefined manner and huffing while walking, similar to a bulldog.

"Hey, Max! Do you know what the heck is going on here? Why are all this heroes here? Does it have to do with Wesker? Because if it is; I want to be in when everyone beats the crap out of that pompous asshole!"

"…what?" answered the hell's spawn and spirit of revenge in confusion. Just what the heck this bot was talking about? Max? Wesker? Who were those people?

"Oh! I forgot when you become Ghost Rider you don't remember anything. Well doesn't matter, but before you come home could you pass to the store and buy Doom some more yogurt? I ran out and I had to steal Ammy's food. Oh! And some more treats and dog food for Ammy. Okay? Okay! Bye Max!"

And with that the Doombot snapped his fingers and disappeared to god-knows-where, leaving behind a very confused Johnny Blaze. "What just happened?"

"Hahaha! I've always love that version of him!" said the mysterious woman while laughing at her handy work. After regaining some composure she reverted back to a more calm expression; unnerving the majority of the observers.

"Look lady!" Called out the hairy mutant known as Wolverine. "I may not like that walking thrash can but he had a point. Who are you and what do you want" He too was getting anxious for answers.

"Oopss. Sorry!" She said in a very apologetic manner "How rude of me for not introducing myself! I have many names but you can call me * **Katrina**." Many were put off by her introduction or more noticeable her constant change of demeanor. It seemed so… random, you didn't know what to expect, and that kept them in edge.

"Now like I said before I was rudely interrupted, would anyone care for some tea?" seeing that nobody took here offer, Katrina just shrugged. "Nobody? Oh well, I do want some tea. Akuma-chan! I desire some tea!" The last part she said while clapping her seemingly delicate hands in a 'hurry-up' manner.

What appeared next will forever be ingrained in the minds of everyone present and those who watch thru TV. Mephisto, Lord of Hell, The Devil in person appeared in his "normal" male form, you know: black pointy hair, red-ish skin, pointy ears, etc. Except this time he wasn't wearing his usual attire. No, he was wearing a French maid costume with very, very short skirt and black stockings. Oh his hand was a tray with a porcelain tea cup and a small cup.

"Yes… _mistress_ " The last word had so much venom in it you could taste it. He was beyond mad, his wrath was of biblical proportions. He, Lord of all Demons reduced to this, and the worst part was that there was nothing he could do to stop her. His only hope was that some of the so called heroes would take pity of him and save him from his current fate.

"Thank you, Akuma-chan" Katrina said cheerily ignoring the tone of her slav… I mean male maid. "Now, did you send Katou-chan and her sister my regards for the excellent tea?" Mephisto reluctantly nodded in confirmation. It was so humiliating going into the Dark Dimension dressed like this asking for some tea for his… Mistress. He would never forget Dormammu's Laughter. It was so humiliating!

As Katrina was about to drink her tea, she realized something. "I can't drink my tea while standing. Batorā-Kun could you please come here for a second!"

The next big shocker of the day was the appearance of another individual that not many recognized, but of the few who did they were openly gapping. It was Hela, goddess and ruler of the spirits of the dead wearing an all black butler suit and red bow tie but the most drastic change was that her extremely long hair was cut very short making her look like an very effeminate boy.

"Yes, mistress. I am at your service" Hela bowed to Katrina completely submissive, a gesture very unlikely from her.

"Batorā-Kun, could you please be my seat while I finish my tea?" Hela just nodded and got in all fours without batting an eye or complaining at the request, and then Katrina just sat on Hela's back and drank her tea like it was only Tuesday for her.

The world at large was speechless, but only those who had interacted with both Mephisto and Hela could grasp the situation. Not only did both of them were on her side but were unwilling servants. This woman Katrina had the power to order around the lord of demons and the goddess of the dead. That meant that her threat that the world was doomed wasn't complete bullshit. The most affected were Dr. Strange and Ghost Rider.

Strange was connecting the dots of the shift of cosmic power in the universe at large. Both Mephisto and Hela were powerless; most likely, they were stripped of their powers by this Katrina woman. He wasn't sure if he could contain her or sent her back to wherever she came from or not, she exhibited a lot of power, putting her on the scale of above Mephisto and Loki but if she hadn't revealed much to compare with Dormammu.

Ghost Rider on the other hand, was in a constant shift between complete dumbfoundedness or hysterical laughter. Mephisto, the guy who completely wrecked his life forever, the one who he keep battling on, was been treated in such humiliating way, you could almost say it was worse than death.

Meanwhile everyone else was lost on mental debate, trying to comprehend what was happening, Katrina finished drinking her tea but never sending her servants away. She wanted at her side at all time as a reminder of her power.

"Now let us discuss what is that I desire" that seemed to snapped the heroes out of their pondering. "I only wish for one little thing. Something that only you can give me. Something that if you don't give back to me, I'll make this Mudball of a planet disappear! Not only will you be destroyed but I'll make sure no trace of this planet is known in the universe. You will be wiped out so that nobody ever would ever know this planet, heck this galaxy ever existed!"

Her speech of total annihilation didn't sit well with anyone. Everyone in the world felt a cold sweat. They have witnessed her power over a demon and a goddess so her claim could be very well founded. And their only hope is that whatever she was looking for they could give.

"But do not worry, for I don't want this entire world surrender under my feet, or some petty object of greed. No. What I want is a person or more specifically one very member of your superhuman community. And I assure you that if you give this person to me I shall leave immediately and never come back"

The heroes present tensed at the mention of her desire for one of them, even the all the villains (who weren't present for obvious reasons) were concerned because it could be one of them. Those who were present began debating among them if it was the right choice to give one of them to Katrina even there wasn't much guarantee that she would keep her word , or if they should never left anyone behind and fight back although that would cost the lives of many. As discussions run rampant, Maria Hill with the help of Dr, Strange managed to silence them all and made Katrina a question.

"Exactly who do you want?" Maria Hill had a strict policy of not making deals with terrorists but they didn't lose anything by hearing who she wanted.

"Yes, I want Wade Wilson"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katrina is a joke on the "Elegant Skull" an illustration from Mexican Culture. The name of the skull would later be refered as Catrina thanks to Diego Rivera (Mexican artist and Frida Kahlo husband)
> 
> Akuma-Chan means lil Demon.
> 
> Batorā-Kun means Butler (with a suffix that is used to refer to young boys.)
> 
> Yes, I'm a fan of the Online Warrior.


	6. Big Surprises

**"Yes, I want Wade Wilson"**

"…"

"…"

"..."

"Wade…Wilson…as in…"

"Yes, Wade Winston Wilson, formerly Wade T. Wilson, the Wolf of the Rice Wine, the Crimson Comedian, the Regenerating Degenerate, the Merc with a Mouth. Deadpool!"

"Okay we will give him to you!" Maria said immediately without hesitation. Around her the rest of the superhero community were nodding their heads in acceptance, nobody really had any objections on giving up Deadpool.

"That…was way too fast!" muttered Katrina to herself. Nobody…nobody was arguing for the defense of her beloved Wadey. All of them have no problem to feed him at the wolves. Not like she was going to hurt him or anything but they didn't know that! She really didn't know how to feel, if happy because she was getting her Muffin back or annoyed that nobody cared for her sweetie pie. Shaking her head to snapped back from her musings she saw them discuss.

"Does anyone know where Deadpool is?"

"I don't know I haven't seen him in months!"

"Wolverine, Have you seen him?"

"I got no clue were that son of a bitch is, bub!"

"Dr. Strange can you locate him with your magic?"

"I'm trying my dear, but somehow I can't locate him!"

"Maria, can SHIELD locate him?"

"I'm receiving constant updates from agents all over the world, they have not located him yet, Tony!"

"Maybe some of his friends know where he is!"

"Does anyone here is friends with him?"

"Don't look at me, bub! I hate his guts!"

"We X-Men try to not associate ourselves with him."

"What about you Domino?"

"It was only ONE TIME!"

"I don't think Deadpool has any friends"

"What about HYDRA or AIM?"

"We assure you that neither HYDRA nor AIM have this Deadpool on our custody!"

"How do we know you aren't lying?"

"Because, it is in our interests that the world isn't destroyed anytime soon!"

"ENOUGH!" Katrina silenced them all with a mighty shout. "Do you or do you not have Wade Wilson with you?"

All the heroes look around nervously, they had no idea where Deadpool was or how to find him, which wasn't so hard since he kept making disasters after disasters, sticking his nose everywhere, annoying everyone he talked too.

"We need more time, we assure you that we will find him!" said Maria who unwillingly became the spokesperson for the whole world.

"Agreed, you have three hours to bring Wade Wilson to me or I'll make sure this planet is no more!" Katrina said in a tone that promised pain and suffering if her demands weren't met. As everyone dispersed to look for Deadpool, Katrina turned her head towards her male maid with a cutesy smile.

"Akuma-chan could you please bring me a dessert to eat while I drink more tea?" Mephisto couldn't do more than nod and said "Yes, _Mistress_!" Why wasn't anyone trying to help him! He was suffering hell.

"Oh and bring some sort of entertainment" She may be cosmic entity that had no regard towards time or space, but that didn't meant she couldn't get bored. "I think these three hours are gonna be some long ones!".

" _That's what she said_ " a mini Deadpool said inside her head. She couldn't help but chuckle only to somber a little bit. Oh how much she missed her Crazy Cupcake!

"I hope you don't mind staying like this another three hours, Batorā-Kun!" Katrina spoke her servant Hela that she was still sitting on. "I don't mind, Mistress!" Hela answered without complain, she was under her total control. "Good girl, good girl!" Katrina congratulated her while smacking Hela's ass. She knew she liked that. Since Hela was sporting a very noticeable blush. "Yes Mistress! I'm a good girl!"

* * *

 

Maria Hill sighed in desperation. It had been 2 hours and nobody had found anything. No apartment, guns, mayhem, corpse, or any sort of clue to find Deadpool. It was as if just disappeared from the face of earth. No government agency in any country had him in their custody. Mr. Fantastic and Dr. Strange were looking if he was on a parallel dimension, but they found nothing, there was simply not enough time to check an infinite number of universes. They were all running out of time. Suddenly her earpiece beeped signaling a transmission.

"Maria Hill here, I hope for some good news" They really needed them. Time was running out. The voice on the other side told her of something they found. "Yes, yes…I see…. It's better than nothing, we could give it a shot" when the conversation ended Maria took off her ear piece and sighed again.

"I hope this works…or the world will end"

* * *

 

As the three hours were coming to a close, Death was still sitting on Hela's back with Mephisto on the side cleaning after her delicious dessert. Death was currently entertaining herself with a portable video game console.

"Fuck! How much I hate that son of a coon Tom Nook! I pay and pay and he keeps rising my debt!" Death was shaking her two screen console and yelling at it as if the characters inside it could hear her.

"Mistress, why you like me to kill the person who created this Tom Nook who keeps bothering you?" asked Hela who hadn't complain the whole three hours she had served as a seat for her mistress. For a second Death though she was looking for an excuse to get out of her current duty, but then she dismissed such thoughts. Hela was just looking to please her more. Ever since she 'broke' her she had been very obedient.

"No, that won't be necessary! Even though you see me yelling and complaining, I fully enjoy this game! I love it not only for its good parts but for it bad and aggravating parts as well!" Exactly the same way she loved Wade Wilson. He could be so aggravating at times and his hygiene could be better, but she loved him nonetheless. Good and bad parts equally. Meanwhile Hela just nodded in understanding.

"But worry not! I know how to get back at him. I'll just write on the bulletin board!" Death began writing her message while saying it out loud.

"STICK IT… IN NOOK'S… NOOK.. FOR… HALF PRICE! Share… admission… with up to… 6 friends. That's right...gang bangs for half the price - From: The New Mayor!"

To her side, Mephisto tried to stiffen his laughter, but Death caught him. "See! I got you to laugh! And you said I couldn't Akuma-Chan!" The male maid just stopped his laugh and grumbled under his breath while Death laughed and laughed.

This continued for a while until some of the heroes returned, Death assumed they took the chance to hide or some other thing, frankly she didn't care. She only wanted her Wade. Maria Hill, been the reluctant spokesperson, was the one to step up and announced what their findings.

"Katrina, we have what you wanted! Here's Deadpool!" She nervously took a step aside and let two agents of SHIELD bring up a tied up Deadpool with chains and A LOT of duck tape over his mask were his mouth supposedly was.

Death was about to launch herself at here dear Wade put something felt off. So she proceeded with caution. She stood up from Hela's back who after 3 hours, finally was back up. With a small gesture Death sent Mephisto to retrieve 'Deadpool' and bring him up to her.

The Agents let the former lord of hell take the objective and brought her up to his mistress. Katrina look intently at 'Deadpool' trying to find what was wrong with him. He had the same height and body type, he smelled like him (Gunpowder and Tacos) but there was still something off.

Then she took off all of the duck tape, and took off his mask. He had his face full of scars liker her beloved Deadpool, but there was a major flaw. A scar in the form of an X ran across his nose. He was Nijo aka Agent X! After uncovering the fraud, Katrina turned towards Maria.

"What is the meaning of this?" her voice monotone. Maria couldn't tell what was the woman feeling but with certainty it wasn't something good. Curses! This was the last time she followed a plan so stupid.

"We…couldn't find Deadpool anywhere!"

"So you decided to bring me a cheap copy! Hell! he isn't even a clone!"

"Hey! I resent that remark!" said an offended Agent X who everyone ignored except Hela who put back the duck tape around his mouth.

"We didn't have enough time! If we had more we could find him for sure!" Maria hated the way things were going but she hated more having to beg to this 'woman'.

"I'm afraid not! You failed and for that this world is DOOMED!" As she was about to unleash her power over all the living beings in this planet, a beam of energy struck her on the back trapping her inside an energy bubble.

"MISTRESS!" cried out Hela, but before she could try to help Death out of the energy prison, another beam struck her too, trapping her in another bubble.

"Ha! I'm free!" Yell out in Mephisto in victory, but his freedom was short lived because he too was shot and trapped inside an energy bubble. "OH, COME ON! I'm not on her side!"

"Quick open a portal and banish them before they can escape!"After they all failed locating Deadpool, the world decided to set up a trap, using the closest thing to Deadpool they had and when Katrina and her 'servants' were distracted, they would strike and take them out using the combined genius of Mister Fantastic and Tony Stark with the magical expertise of Dr. Strange.

"I should've known you were going to pull something like this." Katrina Said in an annoyed manner. She wasn't angry or anything, in fact she was mentally congratulating them for trying and succeeding because she could finally reveal the next surprise.

"I didn't want to resort to this but you forced my hand!" Who she was kidding, she wanted to do this since the beginning but it wouldn't be as dramatic. Death took a BIG breath and screamed

"ONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-SAAAAAAAAAAN!"

The scream passed throughout the world. Everyone on the planet was deafened by the scream. And after everyone recovered from the scream they all felt a cold shiver. And instinctive fear that told them that shit was about to hit and obliterate the metaphoric fan!

The entire world began rumbling and the skies darkened by dark clouds that formed all over the place but with the majority in New York. Then there was silence, no soul make a sound, only the alarm of cars that were set off or the howling of dogs. But the human race remained quiet.

After maddening seconds of silence, Maria couldn't take it anymore.

"WHO DID YOU CALL?"

Katrina just smiled a wickedly and answered.

"My Big Brother!"

Then strong winds came and pushed away the black clouds away from the skies of New York only to reveal something that make several people soil their underwear in fright. Some darkened their pants in pee and others stained them with shit.

Galactus. Katrina called out Galactus the Devourer of Worlds to their planet. And she called him her Big Brother. They were completely fucked.

"Congratulations. You have doomed your planet." Announced the Ravager of Planets.

Yep. So Fucked.

'Galactus' with a small finger gesture sent a powerful ray of Power Cosmic towards the energy bubbles which standed no chance against his powers and freed both Katrina and Hela, but not Mephisto!

"COME ON! REALLY!? GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT!"

Both women flew towards Galactus and stood on one of his massive shoulders.

"Hahaha! God Job, Big Bro! Now eat this planet in its entirety!" Death was cackling like a mad woman but 'Galactus' send her a look and whispered for only her to hear.

"But Auntie! This isn't how it was supposed to go. I can't eat this planet. I live here! All my favorite things in the entire universe are here!" said 'Gali. She was posing as her father like her auntie requested and she was only to appear when she was called. All what she was to do was to scare them silly. Not to fulfill the threat of destrying the world.

"I know, I know! But what are we supposed to do? We can't turn back from our word! We will look like idiots." Things really weren't looking up to them. She too didn't want to destroy Earth; it was her favorite reality show. They needed a miracle to get out of this one.

Back on the floor level, everyone was in despair. The end was here. There was no way to stop Galactus. Fighting him was like ants fighting the sun, they were nothing compared to him. And the only thing that could give him pause was the Ultimate Nullifier, which was on the possession of Galactus. They needed a miracle.

*PZZZZZZZZZZSSSSSSSS….*

As if the One-Above-All, heard them. A portal appeared and from it stepped out a figure that imposed not only respect but awe. It was like he was dark angel of justice. It was a tall muscular man dresses in an all black suit, with a Bat symbol on his chest. He was carrying a big sack with him.

"Hello, I am known as Batman. I come here from a different universe representing the Justice League and I'm here to return something that belongs to you" without care he threw the big sack to the floor. "He is you problem, I suggest you deal with him" And with that he left through the portal ignoring the gigantic man dressed in purple. Not his problem.

Then the sack began moving until it finally opened revealing the person inside. He pulled up his mask up to his nose and quickly put three cigars in his mouth and using a three-branched candlestick holder he lit the three cigars at the same time.

"I'm back baby!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omake:
> 
> A portal appeared and from it stepped out four teens; one was a red head with freckles, another was a skinny guy with a silly hat, the third was tanned black haired boy and the last one was a muscular blond haired guy with a Football jacket.
> 
> The blond teen threw effortlessly a red and black wearing Mercenary who feel face-first into the ground.
> 
> "Duh…Stay out of Riverdale!"
> 
> Then the teens walked back to the portal.
> 
>  
> 
> Omake Notes:
> 
> Someone should write Deadpool meets Archie!


	7. Happy Endings

The world froze not been able to comprehend what just happened. But when Deadpool was involved, making sense was a real challenge.

Deadpool stood there, not expecting what was in front of him. Heroes…heroes and agents of SHIELD were everywhere in the middle of Times Square.

"Umm…Are we having another Civil War or something?" he asked out loud only to hear an answer by a voice in his head. **"I don't think so. Look there is Galactus!"**

"Are you sure I'm not hallucinating again? I mean Batman knock me out by hitting me in the head REAL hard!" he said while scratching the back of his head. **"No, it's totally legit!"**

"So they are having a crossover event and I wasn't invited!" " **Probably, they always want all the screen time for themselves!** "

But his musings and inner monologues were interrupted when he felt a body slam against him and a strong grip around his neck.

"Wade! You're back!"

After the initial shock of the collision, Deadpool take a good look at his assaulter. It was a cute black haired girl with long pigtails ( **is she even legal?** ) dressed in a frilly black and white Gothic Lolita outfit with tons of bows and ribbons. Similar to those photos he once saw in Weasel's laptop. The guy had such weird tastes and a very easy to guess password. But before he could ask how old her obviously number one fan was, she began crying.

"Idiot, Idiot! Don't you know how worried I was? I thought I would never find you! I feared the worst! I missed you so much, Crazy Cupcake!"

'Crazy Cupcake…?' There was only one person that called him that! But it wasn't possible; she couldn't interact with the world of the living! It was one of those bullshit rules that kept them separated. Tentatively he whispered…

"Bony Muffin…?"

The girl let go of his neck and nodded with small tears coming from her eyes. Carefully Deadpool laid his hand on her face and with his thump he wiped away her tears.

"Shh…baby, no more tears only dreams!" even though he comforted her, he too wanted to shed some tears. This moment was so beautiful for him he couldn't believe it was real. Any second now he would wake up from this dream/hallucination and realize how stupid he was for believing he could ever have such a happy time with the love of his life ( **or was it the love of his death?** ). But the cold and harsh reality of the waking ( **or sane** ) world could wait. Now he was going to enjoy this rare dream.

On the sidelines everyone was flabbergasted at what they were witnessing. This newest threat of humanity known as Katrina (was that even her name?) turned from this unsettling woman with strange mood swings and enormous power, not to mention sister of Galactus, into a barely legal cosplaying girl having such a tender moment with the craziest of mercenaries, the guy whose brains was like a bag full of ferrets with rabies, Deadpool.

Then sobbing came from the unlikeliest of places, Galactus. He was wiping away his tears at the beautiful scene happening before him.

"It's so beautiful!" said the towering giant in a very delicate female voice. Then the Devourer of Gods transformed into a very attractive long black haired beauty, still with a Galactus-like helmet on. Still on her shoulders, Hela summoned an enormous handkerchief, it was large enough it could cover a whole football stadium, and handed over to the emotional giant girl.

If the previous scene between Deadpool and Katrina wasn't enough, Galactus becoming a hot chick was the final nail in the coffin. Officially they had entered into the Mind Fuck Zone; where nothing made sense. Up was down, left was right and 2 plus 2 equals fish.

"Ga…Galacta?!" The only ones who recognized her were the Fantastic Four because she had previously revealed herself to them. The rest of the heroes present decided to pay attention to the Fantastic Four in an attempt to regain some semblance of sanity.

"Galacta…?"

"Yes, Daughter of Galactus!"

Not that was a bombshell no one was expecting, a twist so ridiculous that M. Night Shyamalan would find ridiculous. First it was the supposedly sister of Galactus and now his daughter too? The world was really going crazy.

"Who's the mother?"

Back with the two star-crossed lovers. Death put her own hand over Wade's, which was still on her face, and make him caress her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed every second of his touch. It lasted for a whole minute until Death noticed something. Wade was silent. He was never silent, and that worried her.

"Darling, are you alright?" Deadpool chuckled at her question and reassured her that everything was fine, but she knew better. He was masking his emotions and she could feel it. She gave him the hardest look she could muster.

"Don't lie to me, you should know better by now. " Wade sighed in sad defeat, taking back his hand away from his lover's face.

"I…I don't know if this is really happening or not. For all I know I could still be inside a sack with a concussion." **"That Batman sure punches hard!"** He turned around not been able to face her, he didn't know if he could keep his emotions in check. He felt Death trying to put her hand on his shoulder but he stepped away, refusing her touch.

"I mean, we can only see each other when I'm dead waiting for my Healing Factor to bring me back and even those are getting shorter and shorter, It's harder and harder to remain dead long enough for her to visit. Also she can't intrude in the world of the living; it's against 'Da Rules' or some shit like that. You can't possibly be h…"

"SCREW THE RULES! I MISSED YOU!" Very forcefully she made him turn to her and lifted up his mask up to his nose and kissed him. Wade was caught off guard and he didn't put any kind of resistance. Death took advantage of his surprised state and circled her arms around his neck and pulled him in tighter to her body.

Wade caught up in the passion of the kiss; he put his hands on his lover's hips and slipped her the tongue. The make-up session lasted a few minutes, thought it felt like much more, until Deadpool separated because he needed to breath.

"I'm still not sure if I'm hallucinating or not, maybe if we kiss some more I'd be able to tell!"

"Idiot"

"But I'm your idiot, aren't I Sugar Skull?"

"Of course!"

"I'm sorry for making you worry. It must have been very hard years!

"Yes! Years…..wait YEARS!? You've been missing for 3 months, not years!"

"Really!?" " **Wow, talk about time distortion!"**

"Now you had me curious where in the hell were you? And what the heck were you doing?" Death stopped her embrace only to cross her arms and pout cutely. Now that the passion of the reunion was over, her feelings of joy were been replace by annoyance and curiosity. "I tried everything and I couldn't find you! Even after searching in parallel dimensional universes"

"Baby, don't get mad! It's true that I was Dimension Hopping around but not in our Multiverse, but on entire different ones! I was traveling thru the Omniverse!" " **That word makes me remember a shitty sequel for a rapidly declining cartoon series"**

Omniverse?! Did that meant that entire other multiverses existed separated from this one? An Infinite number of universes that were out of her reach. Universes were she didn't exist. It was beyond her. But before she could question Deadpool about just how in the hell did he travel beyond their Multiverse into another (Something only the One-Above-All could do), Wade went on to describe all the things he saw.

"Well I don't know exactly how but I was transported to this world full of Ninjas that did all sorts of crazy shit with some kind of Ninja magic. I was really confused and ended up causing a big mess especially after shooting this annoying blond haired ninja kid in the face." **"I mean what kind of ninja wears orange! If you ask me I did that whole universe a favor."**

"Did that kid's name was Nar…"

"Then I was in this magic school in England full of wizards! Now at that time I realized I was Dimension Hopping so I didn't cause major disasters, heck this creepy dude with greasy hair hired me to kill this other creepy dude with no nose!" **"That guy really sucked at magic tricks! And he kept saying Abra Kadabra! Personally I prefer Ghastly and Hunter!"**

"You mean Vold…"

"The next few universes were very lucrative. One was full of Draculas and I was hired to protect this bitchy blond English woman who seriously needed to get laid. ( **Big time!)** After that I was the bodyguard of this Japanese elementary school girl whose whole shtick was to capture cards or something.( **I think that brown haired boy was gay for that gay guy with grey hair** ) Next one I stopped this serial killer who could kill from afar with some notebook." **"He kept writing our name but for some reason it never killed us!"**

"Those sound awfully fami…"

"The next universes weren't so lucrative, because there was this strange feeling that I couldn't seriously hurt anyone but it was fun! I met this green dog that turned out to be a robot who loved tacos! ( **I preferred the flying moose** ) I helped a kid hero who transformed himself into a super heroine defeat his/her evil alter ego born from his/her fingernail and toxic waste. ( **Did he transformed into a girl or it was only the outfit?** ) I taught this high school ninja kid a few moves while killing giant robots. ( **He kept saying juice and cheese…What's up with that?** ) I discovered that camaraderie was supernatural in a world full of tiny pastel colored horses with butt tattoos." ( **I liked the pink one with pink hair, she understood me in ways I never imagined!** )

"Don't you mean pon…"

"Then, I kid you not, I help save the world by helping some kids win at children card games, but at least it wasn't as dumb as saving the world by winning a tournament with spinning tops, man that was stupid." **"It would've been better if you could play a children card game on a motorcycle…no wait that just stupid! And I'm pretty sure those boys with the spinning tops were cheating with those creatures inside their tops!"**

"Are you talking about Beybl…"

"And the last one it was a world similar to ours! It was full of heroes and villains but none were any of ours! I was working as a mercenary and fought not only a superhero group called Justice League but a team of their teenage sidekicks too. I blew a lot of stuffs; I shot a ton of guys and give this one guy with a very similar name to mine an atomic wedgie!" **"He might been a lost cousin or something!"**

"…"

"But enough about the awesomeness that is me, tell me babe, what's up with this whole attire. You look like those photos Weasel had on his laptop!"

Instead of trying to understand what the hell her darling did and give herself a headache, she decided to ignored all of that for now (They'd have to talk in details later) and concentrate on showing her new style to Wade.

"Do you like it?" She asked while doing a twirl that elevated her skirt and for a second flashed him with her black underwear. "I been watching some of those Japanese shows and I liked their weird TV troops.

"You look good with anything but…"

"Don't worry, if you don't like this style a have dozens more" She interrupted him rapidly. Death knew that Deadpool had a lot of weird tastes and she was aware of them but she had never seen him interested in Japanese Anime culture before (except maybe the weapons). And now that she had him back she wanted to please him with her new style.

"How about this!" In a second the black haired gothic Lolita was transformed into a smaller blue haired girl with glasses over some big eyes and a sailor fuku.

" I can be blue haired shy bookworm kind of girl…or…" Her next transformation was a taller blond haired girl styled into long, oversized ringlets in a European Victorian-era fashion, and a very elegant dress.

"I can be a fiery (bitchy) rich and sophisticated girl or…" the next one was a long black haired girl wearing white and red ceremonial garments of the shinto religion.

"I can be a pure hearted shrine maiden. Which one do you like more?"

"Baby, you should know by now that is what I like best…but if you have to ask, I had to say I prefer the real you." Death blushed like mad as his declaration. That idiot and his cheesy lines! Why did he have that effect on her? She just wanted to fool around with him with different kind of roles and personalities and he had to ruin it with his sincerity. Finally she reverted herself into a more mature black haired woman with blackish purple robes.

While Death was mentally debating whenever if she should kick him in the groin for ruining her many fantasies or to jump right at him and have her way with him right there in front of everyone; Deadpool was finally paying attention to his surroundings.

"Holy shit! What's that!" " **I think it's a hot version of Galactus!** "

"Mmm…? Oh! That's just my niece Galacta. Would you like to meet her?" Before he could even answer or comment how unoriginal that name was, Death call out for her niece. "Galacta come here! I want you to meet my dear Wade!"

In an instant the giant purple girl materialized besides them in a more human size along side with the short haired butler Hela.

"It is nice to finally meet you Mr. Wilson. My auntie told me a lot about you…would you mind if I call you Uncle Wade?" The red wearing merc laughed a little embarrassed thanking his mask for covering his face. Uncle…? He never had anyone call him that, also he felt a little nervous for checking her out while his girl Death was beside him. Hope she didn't noticed.

"No it is fine. I don't mind!" The purple clad teen cosmic entity smile happily knowing that she had another family member that could relate with her more than his other-worldly father. But besides her, Hela didn't share any enthusiasm as both her Mistress and Gali.

"Mistress is this male really the one you have been searching for?" Her cold tone did nothing to hide her instant dislike of the red wearing clown that was his mistress lover. This pathetic excuse of human being was at the stature of her mistress. He didn't deserve to breath the same air as her. (Although she doesn't really breathe)

"Hela" reprimanded Death, forgoing her usual nickname for her just to show she was serious. "Remember what I told you about the videogame? How despite its flaws and annoying traits makes it unique and complement its good parts? Well this is exactly the same. So I hope you understand this and don't do something stupid that you'll regret later"

Hela stood silent for a whole minute and nodded in acceptance. Although she couldn't see the appeal she understood and respected her mistress wishes.

"Wait a minute, Hela!? As in Loki's daughter? ( **I think they retconned that!** ) Wow you sure have been busy Sugar Skull!" Death just shrugged and began explaining all what she had to do in order to find him, and all the rules and regulations that she broke. She wasn't worried though, she'll probably receive just a stern lecture from her bother Eternity.

"What about that douche Thanos? He should've shown himself by now!"

Death just chuckled evilly with a look of mischievousness in her eyes.

"Don't worry about him, I sent him in a fool's errand!

* * *

Currently the Titan of Death Thanos was face down on a puddle of mud while in a headlock.

"Say it!" said his assaulter.

"N..ne…nev..er" Barely chocked out Thanos, The strength of his opponent was beyond him.

"Say it!" repeated again his assaulter while applying more pressure into the lock preventing Thanos from breathing. The Titan wanted to prevail in order to impress Death but this fight it was too much for him.

"U…un…cle"

"I can't hear it!"

"Uncle!"

After admitting defeat his opponent finally let him go not before sucker punch him in the face and letting his face end up on the mud below.

"Welcome to Earf! Now get the hell out of my planet!" said the most powerful hero in the entire Marvel Universe. The Slayer of All That Breathes, the one and only Squirrel Girl.

* * *

Dealpool shivered in cold sweat. Squirrel Girl still terrified him. No one deserved such cruel punishment not even Thanos. His thoughts stopped when he felt Death wrapping her arm around his neck.

"Forget about it, my love. How about you and I have some…fun."

Wade smirked at that knowing exactly what she wanted. "Where do you want to go?"

"I'm trying very hard not to do it right here and now, but what do you think about Dr. Doom's royal chambers, I heard it's very comfy!"

"I like the way you think, babe!"

Death then turned around and look at her niece and butler. Both with sporting red cheeks knowing what both of them were planning of doing.

"Galacta…" Death didn't use her earth name not wanting to ruin her secret identity. "I'll see you later, maybe we can both shop for…you know who." Gali smiled knowing that she would spend more time with her auntie and that she would be there for her when the baby arrived.

"Batorā-Kun! You may return to your duties at Hel, but remember your place, ok?" Hela bowed towards her mistress. "Yes, my mistress!"

An in a flash of light they were all gone. Leaving behind a very confused and uncomfortable silence for all of those who witnessed the whole spectacle to process and cope with all.

"I…better return to the Sanctum Sanctorum and meditate about the whole thing"

"Yeah…there is paperwork waiting for me back at the tower!"

"I also need to return to my experiments! Come on Sue!"

"We better return to our base, X-Men let's go!"

"I never knew Deadpool was such a romantic, why did you broke up with him again, Domino?"

"We never dated! It was just ONE TIME!"

"Fucking Taskmaster! This is the last time I pose as Deadpool!"

"Uh…Agents return to your posts and resume with standard operations!

"Yes, Commander Hill!"

"The press is going to have a field day with this!"

"If we hadn't filming all of that I wouldn't believe it!"

"Man, Who would've thought Galactus had a hot daughter!"

"So…who's the mother again?"

Everyone dispersed and tryied their hardest to forget everything that happened. After a few minutes Time Square was desolated.

"Hey! Hey! Did everyone forget about me? I'm still trapped in this! Hey! Is anyone here?" yelled out a very angry Mephisto who was still in a maid costume trapped inside the energy bubble.

But then a shadow was cast upon him and he could feel a familiar power signature. Terrified, the powerless Mephisto didn't have to turn around to know who it was. But he did.

"Mephisto…There is a contract that we need to go over with!" said the spirit of vengeance.

"Shit!"

* * *

Eternity was pissed, which was rare because he always kept his emotions in check. But he couldn't contain it anymore. How dare his brother (he never acknowledged Death desire to be considered a woman) upset the balance of the cosmos and reveled herself and interfere directly with mortal begins. And worst of it all, according to the Living Tribunal, because of her actions she interfered with a "project" of his and had to return his "Test Subject" back from it.

The rules were there for some reason but he didn't dare to do anything drastic to him in fear of upsetting the power scale of the universe, so he was going to give a stern lecture to his brother.

In a flash of light Eternity teleported to his bother Death location.

"Death I need to have a few words with you!" said Eternity in a very serious tone. A shame the occupants of the room didn't bother to pay attention to him!

"Ooh Wade! You are as energetic as ever! Yes! Harder!"

Eternity fought back the nausea and turned around to not look at the "spectacle" he barged in.

"I…I be back later when you are finished!"

Then he left as quickly as he arrived, but unbeknownst to him he wouldn't be returning in a loooong time.

* * *

7 months later.

Inside the Taa II was experiencing more activity than usual because it was a time for celebration, finally the long awaited baby of Gali had arrived. It was a beautiful and healthy boy.

Gali cried tears of happiness when she finally held her baby for the first time, although there were no complications during labor, it hurt like hell and was something she didn't want to experience again. She was grateful with his auntie for being there with her. (Which is ironic 'cause nobody wants Death near a birth)

"Congratulations Gali!" said Death while watching how cute her grandnephew was.

"Yeah! Nice work!" said Deadpool, surprisingly out of his usual costume in favor of a nice suit but he kept the mask on. He was holding a camera to preserve the moment for posterity and to freak out the little baby when he asks where he came from. **"Childbirth sure is nasty. Not like in the movies!"**

A lot had changed during the last few months and the most important one was that Death, after a big 'Fuck You' to her brother, was taking an organized route to keep the universe at balance by making Hela into her 'Herald' in charge of keeping tabs and managing the various souls in the different realms of the universe. Sure some protested like the demons in the various "hells" that existed but after Death showed them her true power, they were obedient like the dogs they were.

These changes granted Death a lot more power that put her brother Eternity at edge but after a deal with him, Eternity would permit her to interact with the living only if she didn't abuse her power and affect drastically their lives. With his arrangement she could spent much more time with her darling Deadpool which was almost all the time. So much she was considering move to earth with him.

"So…how are you gonna call him, Gali?" asked a very excited Death. It was a weird experience for her since the only childbirths she assisted were when the baby doesn't survive, so helping out to see a successful child birth with her own eyes was thrilling.

"I been giving it a lot of thought and I decided to follow the tradition of naming babies starting with the letter G." As much as she disagreed with her father, she still loved him and wanted to honor him.

"I was thinking maybe Gaius (Latin. Person of Earth) since he will be living with me on Earth!" Gali wanted her son to be native of Earth so he could appreciate life and become its protector.

"Really I thought you were going to call him Galacto or something!" " **Way better than Galactus the II** "

Before Death could reprimand Wade for such comment a booming voice caught their attention.

"How about a REAL manly name like Gurren Lagann!" Said a shirtless man wearing a long dark purple cape and some big bright purple-tinted sunglasses. This was the current image of Galactus the Devourer of Worlds.

After watching the strange storage disk he became enthralled with it and looked for more in planet earth. In a fascinating transition, Galactus became a fan of Japanese animation especially those involving epic battles. Currently he was experiencing a Gurren Lagann phase.

"Idiot! She's not going to name her child after a fucking giant robot! No matter how cool it is!" Death chastised her big Brother. True she was also a fan of the series but she was not going to allow such a name. But her niece just laughed prompting Wade to follow and then her and finally Galacus.

They may not be conventional but they were a happy family.

* * *

Back on Earth in a very nice apartment that Deadpool had only for when Death visited since she refused to stay at his usual 'bases'. She really needed to work on his house keeping skills.

"That was a great!" " **A shame there wasn't any Booze** "

"Yes it was" said a less animated Death. She had something to tell to Wade and she didn't know how.

"What's wrong my Boney Muffin?" Even with his personality and total lack for attention, Deadpool did notice who his lovely girl was acting.

"Wade…there's something I have to tell you" There it was. The last thing anyone wants to hear from their love. It was always bad news and Deadpool could only wonder what. Before his overactive imagination caused him to freak the hell out, Death began to explain.

"Wade, do you remember when I told you about the deal I made with Eternity?" After a nod of acknowledgement she continued "I had to have a more physical body so I could interact in the mortal plain and spend more time with you." Once again Wade nodded showing her that he was following thus far.

"Well… since this body is more in-tune with the physical world and after all the 'fun' we had, I think…."

"Yes…?

"I think… I'm pregnant!"

"WHAT!" " **WHAT!"**


	8. Epilogue - 13 Years Later

Outside of Earth's atmosphere two of the most powerful tweens on the galaxy hovered looking for something to do.

"Man, waiting for something to happen is so boring! Can't we cause some trouble ourselves Gaius?" asked a very bored Wendy 'Bea' Wilson, daughter of the infamous Merc with a Mouth. She was her parents' child; she loved getting into trouble and to make a mess of things. At her 13 years old she already decided to dedicate her life to be a Mercenary like her father. Since Mercs are considered "Agents of Death" her decision also pleased her mother and because 'Heroes' aren't supposed to kill.

Being the daughter of the Cosmic Entity of Death meant she had a LOT of powers thanks to her control over the Power Cosmic like teleportation and flight; but it made it too easy for her and very boring; so when 'working' she would limit herself only to use 'Hammer Space' where she store all sorts of weapons, and 'Healing Factor' like his dad.

Currently she was wearing a suit similar to the one her 'Uncle' Taskmaster used when he was part of Agency X, except hers was a shade of Dark Purple, like her mom's favorite color and instead of a skull mask it was a mask like her dad's. She had a hard time coming up with a name for her. She wanted something original like Night Shade (Mom's favorite flower) but people kept calling her Deadpool's Daughter, Deathpool (which was ok), Girlpool (which was dumb) or Deadgirl because all her victims kept yelling at her "You're Dead, girl!"

Besides her was her 'Nephew'/'Cousin' Gaius. But he hates it when she calls him nephew.

Gaius (or Garry when he was on earth) under the care and guidance of his mother, he become Earth's (and the surrounding galaxies) protector and avoided eating planets. Like his mother he consumed exploding stars or their radiation. His cosmic hunger was lesser than his mother's so he only ate one in a while.

He also had immense control over the Power Cosmic but unlike his 'aunt' he was a hero and avoid killing unless it is the last option and doesn't limit his powers since he frequently fought galactic threats.

He kept the family tradition of wearing purple and blue armor and a 'pimp-ass' helmet as Wendy calls it. But his way of transportation was inspired by one of his grandpa's heralds, the Silver Surfer. He had his own board which traveled at insane speeds, but if it was an emergency that threaten the whole galaxy, he would instantly teleport.

"You know very well that I can't do that, and you shouldn't either!" Gaius said to his troublemaker aunt.

"For someone so powerful you sure are a downer, Nephew!" Wendy said grinning. She loved to mess around with him specially the way his left eye twitches in annoyance when she calls him nephew. "I'm older than you" was his muttered response.

Then after a short while Gaius sensed something.

"There's trouble down there!"

"Let me guess. New York."

"Yes"

"It is always New York!"

Then Wendy hopped on Gaius board and both flew down to deal with the problem.

* * *

 

"Who would have guessed that an invasion of lizard monsters from another dimension would be easily stopped by just us!" presumed Wendy atop of a mountain of corpses.

Gaius just shook his head in annoyance. Why did he have to be "related" to such a girl? He fought hard to not cause much collateral damage but she insisted on using grenades and rocket launchers she kept in her 'Hammer Space'.

"I'm just thankful there not many were injured" living on earth and growing by its culture he came to appreciate life and its citizens instead of growing to be like his grandpa before he discovered anime, or so said his mother.

"Yeah whatever" Wendy had a different view on things. She did avoid killing everyone on her way, but if she ended up killing an innocent bystander she really didn't feel guilt since she knew their souls would end up under her mom's power in any of the multiple realms of the dead.

Then after everything ended the invincible Iron Man arrived to help stop the invasion.

"Well, well, well. Look who's late for the party! Are you ready to give up the mantle and make me leader of the Avengers? Because let me tell you all are getting old, except Thor he's still cute!"

Under the Iron Man Armor, Tony Stark sighed in exasperation, he really didn't want to deal with her. "I told you many times, you can't be an avenger. You are too young and you are a mercenary, we avengers don't kill!"

"Hmmp. You are all jealous of my swagger!"

Tony decided to ignore her and turn towards the more level headed of the two.

"Thanks once again, Gaius. You help prevent a major disaster." At first many were scarred of the boy because he was the Grandson of Galactus, but he slowly proved himself that he was reliable, strong, had a sense of justice and have a love for the planet Earth. Tony wanted to make him an Avenger and train him to one day be a leader, but he knew the boy wouldn't accept since not only he protects earth but the whole galaxy. Also Deadpool's Daughter would throw a fit if he was an avenger and she's not.

"I was only doing what is right!"

 _"I was only doing what is right!"_ Wendy mocked him. "You sound so lame! Say something cooler for once in your life." Then she turned towards Iron man "Besides I helped too and you know I don't work for free so where's my money. I know you're loaded so write me check or something!"

"No"

"Then what's stopping me from kicking your ass and steal your wallet!" She said defiantly to the armored man with total confidence.

"Me" came a voice behind her. Wendy didn't have to turn to know who was behind her. She recognized the voice of her tormentor, the voice that haunted her nightmares.

"S..sss..Squirrel Girl!" she managed to said with some difficulty because she was shaking in fear and was having a minor panic attack.

"The One and Only!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! GAIUS LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Wendy instantly hopped behind his Nephew on his board. He did what Wendy said only because Squirrel Girl scared him too.

Once both tweens left orbit Tony turned towards Squirrel Girl.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that all folks! Man, this sure was an interesting project.  
> Would I ever write a sequel? Mmm… probably no, but hey, I can't see the future so who know really. But what I really want to see is more fics featuring the best couple ever. Deadpool x Death needs more love! And also a name…mmm Deathshipping? DaDR? I don't know.
> 
> So help the cause! Help by writing more Deadpool and Death together!


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